fear of the unknown

Everything in my life is changing right now... I find myself in unknown territory and it is terrifying and exciting.

I'm no longer a student... I'M GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE! Holy crap. With school starting back up this fall and me not in it I sure feel weird. What am I going to do??? (I guess use my degree eh? haha)

Unknown.

My husband has joined the Army Infantry and has been gone the last 4 months training. We were only able to communicate through letters... which was romantic and hard all at the same time haha. The whole time I knew at the end of the 4 months we would move out of state... but I had no idea where (I do now, and you will too in a couple of lines). I couldn't plan or anything so I've been just sitting in liiiiiiimbo.

Another unknown.

Finally getting to see him after being apart was incredible! I feel so honored and proud to be his wife. Being back together sure made me excited for this next step in our journey... in EL PASO, TEXAS!! And no it's not close to my cousin Angel (who also lives in Texas)... but I will be with my man so that is all that matters. :) ...uuuuunnnleessss he gets deployed... so let's hope he sticks around for awhile ya? Ya.. okay great :)

Deployment?
Big huge unknown.

Right now I am surrounded by all these unknowns and change and it is freaking scary and kind of exciting (mostly scary... at least right now.. haha). McKenzie here is definitely out of her comfort zone.

The greatest thing about being an artist is being able to use it as therapy to understand how I am feeling. I am able to get all my thoughts and emotions out of my head and onto the paper. This piece below was the first piece I did after working on my BFA show, and it was for my last final at UVU. I felt as though I was scraping the bottom of the barrel for this because I had put every ounce of my soul into my BFA. I was also kinda sad and sentimental knowing it was for one of my last finals... once I was done that meant I was DONE. All this while knowing Austin would be leaving soon and we would be moving.... aahhh! So this piece became a place where my hope and fear collide.

'Fear of the Unknown'
42 x 56 in
Mixed Media

With all this uncertainty it has sure made me dig deep to find strength in myself and my relationship. 

Finding strength in yourself is hard sometimes. We all have self doubt. It's so easy to support and cheer for others.. but to cheer for yourself? Not so much (GO ME! haha). One thing I keep telling myself is "I can do hard things". I know I can. I have been through a lot in my life so far and it has stretched me and shaped me into who I am today. And I'm pretty awesome... right??? hahahaha :) With graduating in fine art and no longer being a student it is time for me to be the artist I want to be. I want to be successful and have it be my career. I want to create for a living. I want to make my mark on the world. I want to move people. I want to inspire and be inspired. I have so many aspirations and it is scary.. cause now is the time for me to pursue them. I can't hide behind being a student anymore. I have to be a grown up (ew) and go after this dream of mine! Wish me luck eh??

Along with digging deep into myself... I've had to dig into my relationship for strength with all this change. Austin and I have such an incredible bond that has only grown stronger with him joining the military. Watching him receive confirmation to join the Army and to go after this life long dream is so inspiring. And trust me... I haven't always felt this way. Back in high school when we were dating he ALWAYS talked about joining and I thought he'd grow out of it for sure. I would tell him it was a deal breaker for marriage. Now here we are... almost 8 years later.. married.. and he's in the Army... hahaha. Deal breaker my A.. I love that boy too much! It took a lot of conversation and prayer to truly feel okay about it. Now that I do my heart is just overloaded with joy and love for that noble man on mine. I am so proud of him and cannot wait for this adventure to begin!

As nerve-racking as all this is... it is so fun to go after our dreams together and dive head first into the unknown. With all this inconsistency, that boy is my constant. That's all I need. :)

Come visit us in El Paso eh? :)