What we leave behind

-For my momma-

Losing a grandparent so very hard... yet at the same time ever so beautiful.

So hard that you won’t be able to be embraced by their tight squeezes and cheek kisses. You can’t listen to their infinite wisdom, and even their craziness. You won’t get random phone calls from them anymore making sure you are safe and happy. And no more being forced to eat even when you are full because they want to make sure you never leave hungry. 

Then it is beautiful to know that they lived such a wonderful life that their absence leaves a hole. That their bodies are made whole again. That they are having the sweetest reunions with loved ones. And that they are able to be our angels while we continue on. 

Recently my grandma Ruthie passed away, and it got me thinking about the impression we leave on those we leave behind.  Being able to witness how she touched everyone’s life made me want to live that kind of life, to enrich those around you and always put others first. I mean… she wanted an ice cream party instead of a funeral! We of course did both and it was such a perfect and wonderful celebration! 

 Watching my mom loose her mom tore me apart. You can’t help but put yourself in their shoes and feel how you would feel losing your mom. It’s unfathomable.  

One night I was in my grandma’s room with my mom and she was just sitting there admiring all of her moms beautiful jewelry in her vanity… and she just broke down.  Seeing how her mom had left her bedtime bonnet on the counter next to her vintage earrings and her clothes draped on the chair in her closet.  

 Then she went and layed on grandmas unmade bed, just how she had left it, with the Cinnamon Toast Crunch on her bedspread that my mom had given her a handful of that morning, and cried. The moment was so heartbreaking. 

Going into my grandma’s home afterwards was bittersweet. You could feel the emptiness of her absence, but being able to see how she left things, remnants of her daily life, was so comforting. I felt the need to capture every detail, from the unfinished puzzle, to the chair she always sat in next to her upside down Christmas tree (left up all year), to the laundry on her bed.  

 

Since loosing my grandma I've been thinking a lot about the impression we leave on people. All the worldly things from our lives stay here and people are left with feeling of how we impacted their life.  

I asked my mom and each of her siblings what the biggest impression was that their mom left of them. Here are their responses (oldest to youngest): 

Mike – “Compassion for everyone. She was the ultimate Joan of Arc.” 

Jim – “That she had the pure life of Jesus Christ and knew how to follow the prompting of the Holy Ghost. And her willingness to serve others.” 

Pam – “Daddy used to say mom had more charity in her little finger than most people have in their whole body. So much and more but if I had to pick one thing right now it would be her ‘never give up’ attitude. Endure to the end and then still keep trying. “ 

John – “Her love of the gospel and for her savior.” 

Marilyn – “That’s easy… unconditional love. NEVER give up on a child.” 

Judy – “Her talent for making things beautiful with an extra added flair. And also her kind heart. Always wanting to make sure everyone was taken care of.  

How amazing to have that be the legacy you leave behind? That really is what it is all about. To be able to leave a lasting impression on people, because that is what they remember. We can learn so much from those around us, especially our grandmas and grandpas. They are wise and witty and always fill our hearts with warmth, even after they are gone.  

I am so grateful to have been able to have that special woman, my grandma, influence my life. And her legacy lives on as I continue to take after my mother who learned so much from her.  

Love you Grandma Ruthie! Tell grandpa hi!